I'm sick of Viagra commercials. Is that the only thing Pfizer makes? Couldn't they at least update their commercials?
That guy talking to his reflexion in the store window and trying to dig up enough nerve to ask the doctor about Viagra is just to wimpy.What good will Viagra do him? If he's to chicken to approach the doctor how does he expect to get a date?
Never the less he comes bouncing out of the office and floats down the sidewalk and meets a "chic" who is obviously thrilled that he finally acquired that magic potion.
How about the competitors commercial. Those two lovers sitting in twin bathtubs on the rivers edge are a real hoot.I hope they get themselves psyched up real fast because waiting in the bushes is a monsoon of mosquitoes and horse flies eager to bust up their their date with destiny.
Hey, I'm not a spoil sport. I'm all for men being more virile. I really hope these medications are not tricky. Men love to be in control. What if these little devils decide to work in places like church, super markets and check in lines in airports? Hey guys are you looking for something to hang an extra bag on? Whoopee!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
SEA FOOD SNIFFERS---MEN NEED NOT APPLY
Sea Food SNIFFERS-----MEN NEED NOT APPLY
I'm bugged by the fact that the government is hiring men to sniff sea food.All women know that men can't smell!
Has anyone ever met a man that could sniff out something burning in the oven? A garbage bag would walk out itself before waiting for a man to remove it. Smelly socks would become mumified to the floor before a guy would know the difference. If a man can't smell a dirty diaper that was duck taped to his nose how is he able to sniff a miniscule amount of oil in a two hundred pound tuna?
Lets hire women to do the job right. a woman's nose is reliable. If she can sniff out a liar, a troublemaker or a husband stealer one hundred miles away she sure can sniff out a grouper laden with oil.
I know President Obama has a lot on his plate,but he needs to rethink the qualifications for this position and hire women. Lets get this job done right!
I'm bugged by the fact that the government is hiring men to sniff sea food.All women know that men can't smell!
Has anyone ever met a man that could sniff out something burning in the oven? A garbage bag would walk out itself before waiting for a man to remove it. Smelly socks would become mumified to the floor before a guy would know the difference. If a man can't smell a dirty diaper that was duck taped to his nose how is he able to sniff a miniscule amount of oil in a two hundred pound tuna?
Lets hire women to do the job right. a woman's nose is reliable. If she can sniff out a liar, a troublemaker or a husband stealer one hundred miles away she sure can sniff out a grouper laden with oil.
I know President Obama has a lot on his plate,but he needs to rethink the qualifications for this position and hire women. Lets get this job done right!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
MODERN CAKES ARE COMPLICATED
Whatever happened to old fashioned two -layered cakes that just sat on the plate,loaded with gobs of frosting and did nothing but hide a multitude of sins?
Baking used to be a simple art and any mom could pull off a masterpiece. Those days are gone forever. Baking is now a engineering feat. Only a combination of architect and construction whiz can whip up these modern day monsters,
The only reason kids attend birthday parties to start with is to check out the cake. A cake is a status symbol. Any mother who turns out a inactive cake becomes the neighborhood flop. All moms live in fear of getting dubbed with that honor.
Some mothers are non-creative. Its hard to bake something that can swim like Jaws,skate-board,or cheat at poker.
In other words, a cake you can eat. These modern day confections are hard to eat. They're far to active to eat. Plus they're doing such exciting things that you lose your appetite.
You can't blame the kids. The whole scenario makes sense. How can you expect your kid to be happy with a cake, a couple of candles and a few flowers when the one across the street can tell jokes and jump off Hoover Dam ?
I feel like I'm the only one that takes these cakes seriously. I think its a conspiracy. They are ruining our youth. I think kids are better off watching TV the looking at a cake. In one afternoon I saw the Iraq war, two earth quakes and a tsunami all acted out on the top of a sheet cake.
If that isn't enough the thought of baking a cake has been bad for my health, I spend the whole night before crying and grinding my teeth. The next morning starts out with a migraine from trying to decide which extravaganza I'm going to try and stage on the top of a cake.
I've had it! I'm not going to be shoved around by a cake. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I'll fight this tide and whip up a cake that will make him proud of me. I did that okay but that cake almost destroyed our marriage. You see I had this recipe for a cute little number that came out looking like a cross between Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga. Can't tell you more.... just use your imagination.
Baking used to be a simple art and any mom could pull off a masterpiece. Those days are gone forever. Baking is now a engineering feat. Only a combination of architect and construction whiz can whip up these modern day monsters,
The only reason kids attend birthday parties to start with is to check out the cake. A cake is a status symbol. Any mother who turns out a inactive cake becomes the neighborhood flop. All moms live in fear of getting dubbed with that honor.
Some mothers are non-creative. Its hard to bake something that can swim like Jaws,skate-board,or cheat at poker.
In other words, a cake you can eat. These modern day confections are hard to eat. They're far to active to eat. Plus they're doing such exciting things that you lose your appetite.
You can't blame the kids. The whole scenario makes sense. How can you expect your kid to be happy with a cake, a couple of candles and a few flowers when the one across the street can tell jokes and jump off Hoover Dam ?
I feel like I'm the only one that takes these cakes seriously. I think its a conspiracy. They are ruining our youth. I think kids are better off watching TV the looking at a cake. In one afternoon I saw the Iraq war, two earth quakes and a tsunami all acted out on the top of a sheet cake.
If that isn't enough the thought of baking a cake has been bad for my health, I spend the whole night before crying and grinding my teeth. The next morning starts out with a migraine from trying to decide which extravaganza I'm going to try and stage on the top of a cake.
I've had it! I'm not going to be shoved around by a cake. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I'll fight this tide and whip up a cake that will make him proud of me. I did that okay but that cake almost destroyed our marriage. You see I had this recipe for a cute little number that came out looking like a cross between Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga. Can't tell you more.... just use your imagination.
Monday, June 14, 2010
BANKRUPTED BY THE TOOTH FAIRY
How can you get bankrupted by the tooth fairy? Easy when you have four children all eager to take part in this money making scheme.
It all starts out quite innocently. The oldest child looses a tooth. Mom tells him about that magical little creature that flies from house to house leaving money in place of teeth. That tooth fairy fable soon becomes a big mistake. Someone is always loosing a tooth! Front teeth extractions are always planned for a special occasions,like the day before I have a photographer coming to take a smile photo. Back teeth come out anytine, usually the day after you pay the dentist to do a pin point filling. Thats a double whammy. The dentist gets paid, the child gets a gift for good behavior and money under his pillow to boot!
Moms go through torture for that flying demon. They sneak into their children's rooms at all hours of the night, crawling on hands and knees. They reach under pillows trying to pry open a closed fist hanging on to a tooth for dear life. He'd better because if he loosens his grip for one second one of his light fingered siblings is likely to lift the tooth to reap the financial gain. Around three a.m. Mom usually completes that mission impossible, with a few minor scrapes, a headache, a stubbed toe and a lighter wallet.
At times the fairy forgets. Oh how Moms lie to cover up. Some of my favorite lies include, "She must have fractured her wing in someone elses messy room", or else,"She called and said she had to cancel due to the Bubonic plague".
My kids were not above cheating to increast their bankrolls. My eldest left the dolls toothless, the middle one tried to leave the cat gumming her cat food to death. The youngest was the most devious. We had to post a guard at the bathroom when he learned that his grandmother's teeth came out at night.
Well tonight I'll make another suicide rum. Another fist is clenched under the pillow but I've reached the bottom. I'v refinanced the house and drained the 401K. The kids will no longer accept my IOU's. Hey kids I'm bankrupt will a stack of lottery tickets do?
It all starts out quite innocently. The oldest child looses a tooth. Mom tells him about that magical little creature that flies from house to house leaving money in place of teeth. That tooth fairy fable soon becomes a big mistake. Someone is always loosing a tooth! Front teeth extractions are always planned for a special occasions,like the day before I have a photographer coming to take a smile photo. Back teeth come out anytine, usually the day after you pay the dentist to do a pin point filling. Thats a double whammy. The dentist gets paid, the child gets a gift for good behavior and money under his pillow to boot!
Moms go through torture for that flying demon. They sneak into their children's rooms at all hours of the night, crawling on hands and knees. They reach under pillows trying to pry open a closed fist hanging on to a tooth for dear life. He'd better because if he loosens his grip for one second one of his light fingered siblings is likely to lift the tooth to reap the financial gain. Around three a.m. Mom usually completes that mission impossible, with a few minor scrapes, a headache, a stubbed toe and a lighter wallet.
At times the fairy forgets. Oh how Moms lie to cover up. Some of my favorite lies include, "She must have fractured her wing in someone elses messy room", or else,"She called and said she had to cancel due to the Bubonic plague".
My kids were not above cheating to increast their bankrolls. My eldest left the dolls toothless, the middle one tried to leave the cat gumming her cat food to death. The youngest was the most devious. We had to post a guard at the bathroom when he learned that his grandmother's teeth came out at night.
Well tonight I'll make another suicide rum. Another fist is clenched under the pillow but I've reached the bottom. I'v refinanced the house and drained the 401K. The kids will no longer accept my IOU's. Hey kids I'm bankrupt will a stack of lottery tickets do?
Friday, June 11, 2010
CARLY FIORINA'S - HAIR
I spend about twenty five bucks a month on my hair. I think that makes me a expert on knowing what cheap hair looks like. Carly Fiorina gets the award. She seems to think Barbara Boxer looks outdated. Someone should hand that little rich girl a mirror. She looks like she borrowed a tumbleweed from George Bush and plastered it to her head with a fire hose loaded with Vitalis.
I will admit Barbara Boxer looks a little wind blown, and maybe because she has a brain the electrical activity might disturb the hair roots. I'm not sure how much,if anything Carly has going on up there.
I always thought George Bush was at his greatest when they did those photo-ops in Crawford Texas. You know the ones I mean he was always standing in front of that shack , with that rusted piece of farm equipment and a pack of attack insects were usually flying around his head . He was awesome when he kept his mouth shut. I suggest Carly should do the same.
I will admit Barbara Boxer looks a little wind blown, and maybe because she has a brain the electrical activity might disturb the hair roots. I'm not sure how much,if anything Carly has going on up there.
I always thought George Bush was at his greatest when they did those photo-ops in Crawford Texas. You know the ones I mean he was always standing in front of that shack , with that rusted piece of farm equipment and a pack of attack insects were usually flying around his head . He was awesome when he kept his mouth shut. I suggest Carly should do the same.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
MALE DRIVERS BUG ME
I'm bugged by male drivers. Men are all delusional. They believe every other driver on the face of the earth was placed there by the devil to tale gate them for the rest of their lives.
Men never watch the road ahead. That's because they are to busy being terrorized by that eternal driver in the rear view mirror that is poised to drive up their butts the minute they let their guard down. The only time they show any concern for what's ahead of them is when the scenery is worth gawking at. Scenery worth gawking at is tall blonde, wearing a bikini and cooking a hot dog on a stick.
Men just have to many bad habits . They need to quit driving where there aren't any lanes and blowing their horns for the fun of it,and it would be really great if they would quit using red lights to excavate their nasal passages.
I'm not for taking away male rights. I just think women have taken the rap for smashed up bumpers and caved in trunks for to long. Men should just stick to things they can handle like weed whackers,grocery carts and lawnmowers.
Men can't even navigate a parking place safely. The only parking place I've seen them in is wedged up against the door of the neighborhood Seven Eleven.
If men won't turn their licenses in voluntarily we need to coerce them off the highways. How long will they be able to tolerate intelligent driving? How long will they be able to tolerate sharing the road with all us ladies following the rules? If that doesn't work we can scare them to death by demanding they stop and ask for directions. Trust me ,death will win that battle every time. Men have their nitches in this world but driving is not one of them. Keep up the good work ladies. I know we can do it.
Men never watch the road ahead. That's because they are to busy being terrorized by that eternal driver in the rear view mirror that is poised to drive up their butts the minute they let their guard down. The only time they show any concern for what's ahead of them is when the scenery is worth gawking at. Scenery worth gawking at is tall blonde, wearing a bikini and cooking a hot dog on a stick.
Men just have to many bad habits . They need to quit driving where there aren't any lanes and blowing their horns for the fun of it,and it would be really great if they would quit using red lights to excavate their nasal passages.
I'm not for taking away male rights. I just think women have taken the rap for smashed up bumpers and caved in trunks for to long. Men should just stick to things they can handle like weed whackers,grocery carts and lawnmowers.
Men can't even navigate a parking place safely. The only parking place I've seen them in is wedged up against the door of the neighborhood Seven Eleven.
If men won't turn their licenses in voluntarily we need to coerce them off the highways. How long will they be able to tolerate intelligent driving? How long will they be able to tolerate sharing the road with all us ladies following the rules? If that doesn't work we can scare them to death by demanding they stop and ask for directions. Trust me ,death will win that battle every time. Men have their nitches in this world but driving is not one of them. Keep up the good work ladies. I know we can do it.
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